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Is it okay to cry over someone you lost because of your mistakes? It should be... but what if you don't cry over the
one that you thought that you could spend the rest of your life with? Does that mean that that person was right for you BECAUSE
you didn't cry over them or... does it mean that you really over him? At first, all I could think about was Steve. Steve,
as you've read, was someone that I thought I could spend the rest of my life with. He was sweet, funny, caring, loveable,
and fun. He seemed perfect with me. I've been without him for almost a week. No crying. No chest pains. Nothing of what I
usually get when a relationship that seemed so good goes bad. Does that mean that I never really loved him. Or does that mean
that I'll get a second chance with him? Normally, when my relationship goes down the drain, I cry, my heart hurts, and I am
miserable. When I broke up with Steve, it didn't nearly as much. I didn't cry. Nothing. I felt... normal. If normal is what
you'd call it. Basically, I didn't hide in my room and eat and watch Buffy or Angel for the billionth time. Instead, I hung
out with my family. I thought about Vern, this guy I had just met. I thought about what it'd be like on our date. I had a
great time on that date. I hope to get together with him tomorrow before I leave. I hope to watch "Hostel" with him. Fingers
are crossed that everything with Vern goes good. I don't want another heartache. But is wanting to be happy so bad you'd do
anything to keep a smile, is that normal or selfish? I don't know. Maybe it's as selfish
as those who committ suicide for the wrong reason. Or maybe, it's as normal as being unselfish and wanting others to be as
happy as you are. Typing my thoughts as I have for this entry makes me sound a little like Carrie from "Sex and the City".
I think if this were a column it'd be called "Teen girl in a small town" or something like that. Anyways... I have a lot to
do today... Fingers crossed.
More next month...
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