Yesterday, I woke up at 9am. I didn't go to bed until nealy 8:30am today. I am very tired. I was up till 12:30am playing tic tac toe with my friend Ryan (the one from myyearbook.com). We playe 105 rounds. The score was 33 to 19. Me winning of course. We were making hilarious sound clips, too, while we were playing tic tac toe. Then I played addiction solitaire for about a half hour. Then I just messed for the next hour. Watched a couple of episodes of "Instant Star". And a few webisodes from "Beyond the Break". After awhile I decided to read. I read a couple of chpaters before I couldn't concentrate anymore. I was then up for just a little while more before Steve came on. We talked for a couple hours. We're gonna try just talking on the weekends with the occassional offline messeges during the week. It's just easier for him to talk on the weekend. And it's a lot easier for me to stay up also. I am very tired right now. Sparky is over and we're gonna watch a few movies. I might fall asleep though. Oh well, I have movies coming in from Netflix anyways.

I watched 3 movies today. They were okay. I'm sending back the movies that came in today. Now, I am trying to relax a little. I think I'll write a while. I have Steve practically back in my life. I just have to keep showing him that he is the only one. I never meant for him to get hurt. I had never planned on breaking up with him. I had always thought if either of us broke it off, it would be him. If I wouldn't have broke it off, then I'd be planning out the rest of my summer. I'd be fixating on getting college ready for me. I still have to call and everything. If we were together, then I'd also be helping figure out what we would do when he got here. I don't even know if he still wants to come here this christmas, especially with his parents not being together and christmas being the time for family. Steve is my family. I want him to meet my family. I want him to go with me next time there is a family reunion. I'm one of the youngest. I want to show everyone that I've grown into a woman. I can show them without him but when they see that I'm a happy grown woman... it's all the difference.

Tonight, I plan on sleeping really good. I'm not gonna stay up really late. I'm gonna stay up until midnight. The computer WILL go off at 11pm. I'll watch an hour of "Sex and the City" with the timer on. I'm hoping i'll fall asleep long before. What I really want is to make a schedule and to do list and actually do it. I want to push myself to do it all. I think I'll start with to do lists and hopefully just as college starts I will have the scheduling down. So wish me luck! I try my best to push myself to do what I want in life... it's just kind of difficult...

 

More tomorrow...