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I have had a really really really tough day. I think what I'm going to do this vacation (besides eat lots an lots of
food tomorrow) is make a Study Guide for what can of my classes. Apparently, I'm on "probation". I don't know exactly that
means because I"m doing sooooooooooo well in all my classes (cept one but I thought I'd still at least be passing since I
have gotten A's on ALL of the assignments). So I think I'll just study study study. Do my math homework. Start my Art project.
Just chill. Newton wants to go to a new club but I ain't going alone with him so maybe Jake (if he's willing to go or is in
a good mood and here's from his job) or Andy (if he has a car or if Newton is willing to go get him) will go... i hope
so. I wouldn't mind going. Only thing that has kept me going is that I'm going to Chicago on Jan 19-21. I hope. Just have
to clear it with Wal-Mart. Worst comes to worse, D will just have to come visit me. I haven't heard much from Steve. I hope
everything is okay. I've been tearing up but not letting myself cry. I've been dumped a million times it seems. His decision
is to wait and see if I'm single at the end of January. Guess we'll just have to wait and see. I don't think me and D will
hook up. He lives in AZ right now. He's moving back in April. If we do hit it off and like each other when we meet, then we'll
go from there. He'll be only be 3.5 hours away. Weekends will be hard to get off and see each other if we decided to date,
but it could be worth it. He's tall, dark, and handsome, sweet, funny, sarcastic, deep, thoughtful, beautiful smile, and amazing
eyes. I yet to see a smile form on his lips and look up into those amazing dark hazel eyes. I'll get to do all this in January.
We're gonna go dancing, get coffee, hang out, might teach me to play a little on the guitar, talk, and just have fun. Maybe
drink a little. Told Newton if anyone gets to drink a whole lot it will be ME! I'm sick of playing mom so if anyone is gonna
be taking care of anyone it's Newton taking care of me. I can't wait to go and have fun that weekend. Hopefully, after my
aunt meets him, I'll get to go out to Chicago more when D moves here, whether it be to party, hang out, date or whatever.
I cannot tell the future anymore. My future was to see Steve at Xmas, start off my second or third year of college with
Steve here permanently till I have my degree, get engaged, have 2 engagement parties, get a place, get married, spend 2 amazing
years as newlyweds, think about having kids, have kids, and then spend the rest of our life having a family. That isn't gonna
happen anymore. It's all fucked up. Of course I'm the reason to blame but I honestly think it's 50-50 on this one. He wants
me to explore my life without him, I just want to explore my life with him. Whatever happens happens.
More this holiday...
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